Words are very powerful. It is very important that our words are used for good.
A child can be disciplined without yelling, screaming, swearing, and name calling. That's how is was at my house as a child for the most part (dad, not mom). What can they do when someone who is bigger than they are and upon whom they depend for their lives is out of control? I always thought it odd that studies show that those who were abused as children often become abusers as parents. They learned how their parents dealt with child rearing and that's about all they know about it. Discipline should be to correct behavior not to vent anger. A child has nothing to compare his/her home with so why wouldn't that child think that all homes are like theirs and all parents like theirs? They learn this lesson all too well.
Our children are watching us and they learn more from what they see us do and say than they ever learn in school. I read once that a child's personality is formed by about two years old and they learn more before they begin school than they do the rest of their lives. They learn how to express love and anger. They learn the language and basic grammar. They learn the language by mimicking what they hear. What they see and hear influences their minds and their attitudes.
Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nole
By Dorothy Law Nole
If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
he learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world
Many of us are under repair. Some of us are repeating the mistakes of our parents. I hope not. Do any of you catch yourself doing the things your parents did, saying what they said, acting like they did?
All children should grow up in a home with loving parents who will discipline with love and preserve their self-esteem. The homes that need the least discipline are the ones where boundaries are set and parents follow through with consequences. We don't have to yell and threaten and repeat ourselves. Our anger increases and then discipline isn't what it should be.
I am not a fan of all this time out and counting to ten and grounding and taking away privileges. This may work for some and with consistency may have its place. A warning or two and then a swat on the butt is quick, relatively easy, and effective - then it's over. It becomes increasingly difficult as the child gets older (and as big as we are) to start a program of discipline. My dad didn't have to discipline us much but we knew he would because he followed through. He had his faults but dishonesty and disrespect were two things he could not abide.
Sometimes I think if things are out of control we need to sit down and talk at a "neutral" time, go over the situation, and map out so everyone understands what needs to be done and then follow through consistently each time whether you feel like it or not. Relationships depend on it.
I wonder how many of our homes as children have made it difficult for us as adults to be as productive and successful as we should be.