Weight loss support with a spiritual element. I will keep you posted on my journey in the hopes that you will join me in becoming the person God wants you to be. Don't worry about being religious. Come as you are.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Under Repair

Words are very powerful. It is very important that our words are used for good.

A child can be disciplined without yelling, screaming, swearing, and name calling. That's how is was at my house as a child for the most part (dad, not mom). What can they do when someone who is bigger than they are and upon whom they depend for their lives is out of control? I always thought it odd that studies show that those who were abused as children often become abusers as parents. They learned how their parents dealt with child rearing and that's about all they know about it. Discipline should be to correct behavior not to vent anger. A child has nothing to compare his/her home with so why wouldn't that child think that all homes are like theirs and all parents like theirs? They learn  this lesson all too well.

Our children are watching us and they learn more from what they see us do and say than they ever learn in school. I read once that a child's personality is formed by about two years old and they learn more before they begin school than they do the rest of their lives. They learn how to express love and anger. They learn the language and basic grammar. They learn the language by mimicking what they hear.  What they see and hear influences their minds and their attitudes.

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nole

If a child lives with criticism, 

he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility, 

he learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule, 

he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame, 

he learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance, 

he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement, 

he learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise, 

he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness, 

he learns justice.

If a child lives with security, 

he learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval, 

he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, 

He learns to find love in the world
Many of us are under repair. Some of us are repeating the mistakes of our parents. I hope not. Do any of you catch yourself doing the things your parents did, saying what they said, acting like they did?
All children should grow up in a home with loving parents who will discipline with love and preserve their self-esteem. The homes that need the least discipline are the ones where boundaries are set and parents follow through with consequences. We don't have to yell and threaten and repeat ourselves. Our anger increases and then discipline isn't what it should be. 
I am not a fan of all this time out and counting to ten and grounding and taking away privileges. This may work for some and with consistency may have its place. A warning or two and then a swat on the butt is quick, relatively easy, and effective - then it's over. It becomes increasingly difficult as the child gets older (and as big as we are) to start a program of discipline. My dad didn't have to discipline us much but we knew he would because he followed through. He had his faults but dishonesty and disrespect were two things he could not abide.
Sometimes I think if things are out of control we need to sit down and talk at a "neutral" time, go over the situation, and map out so everyone understands what needs to be done and then follow through consistently each time whether you feel like it or not. Relationships depend on it.
I wonder how many of our homes as children have made it difficult for us as adults to be as productive and successful as we should be.
Take care.


  1. I grew up in a house hold where I was never hit, but let me tell you, what my parents said was law. We have a no violence rule in our house as well. My little guy knows that he is not to ever hit anyone and if someone hits him (playmate) that he is to tell an adult. Since this is what I preach to him, I must practice it or else he won't trust me to be truthful. Good post Myra.

    1. Children respond to expectations and really do want our approval through good behavior. They are normal of course and will test the boundaries but rules that are understood and parents who are good communicators will go a long way to keeping peace in the home. Good job.

  2. Recently I saw a saying that went something like ,"Yours is the voice your child hears in her head when she grows up. Be careful what you say."

    1. That's good and so true. I remember many things that were said to me when I was young and it is not all good for sure. Thanks for saying that. Take care.