Weight loss support with a spiritual element. I will keep you posted on my journey in the hopes that you will join me in becoming the person God wants you to be. Don't worry about being religious. Come as you are.




Sunday, August 12, 2012

Ironic

The irony of compulsive overeating is that it eliminates hunger and intensifies craving.   OA

 craving - an intense, urgent, or abnormal desire or longing.

Ever been hungry and didn't know what you wanted? A natural slim person waits until something sounds good. I go ahead and eat something even though I didn't really want that particular food. I was not particular. I would settle for "not it" rather than wait for "this hits the spot".

I remember my grandmother saying she craved the scrapings out of the bowl of grandpa's pipe. She was diagnosed with cancer a while after that. Isn't that weird? How could she have known that scraping the inside of the bowl of grandpa's pipe and eating that would satisfy this abnormal desire? Have you ever had a craving of this type or known someone who has? Our bodies are pretty amazing when we can determine things like this.

When we are eating compulsively we are never hungry physically because our cravings are leading us to eat outside of the bounds of "normal".  We have it in our heads that this crazy eating will satisfy something that we are missing. We don't have to eat over anything. But we did. Some of us still do at times. It doesn't work but we keep trying it. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results = insanity according to Einstein. There is a classic piece of literature about a knight who fights imaginary, impossible battles - Don Quixote -  I think who kept at it in this manner. He is idealistic and a romantic. I have never read it. This may not be a good example since I don't know if it supports my argument or not. It may end up illustrating to not give up and I'll do a different post (maybe) if it does.

Even if it's the not giving up thing - shouldn't we give up binge eating because of the results? Are the results what we hope to achieve by overeating? It's so easy to be logical about this when we are in control but then the urge to binge hits and we have to fight that battle again. Will we lose this next battle or see it coming and find a way to relax ourselves and win? I remember the feeling before a binge. It is almost an inner terror. It's a terror that is quieted with food, lots of food. We know how to quiet that terror because we have done it before. It works. The problem is that it is an imaginary terror. Another problem is that the terror is only quieted for a while. There needs to be a daily way to stay in control. We must find a way to claim victory for ourselves. We are so busy avoiding a binge that we forget to claim the victory.

Each choice we make should take us closer to our goals.

Would those of you who used to binge and no longer binge share the path you took for the benefit of those who are still fighting this battle? In my case, I just kept fighting. My binges became less severe and farther apart. I wanted to stop the binge eating so badly that I finally got it into my head to stop being self-destructive. I guess that came partly from achieving other things in my life that binge eating hindered as well. Binge eating hinders exercise; it hurts relationships; it is embarrassing; it hinders weight loss - nothing good comes from it.

Take care.





8 comments:

  1. Agreed 100%. I do remember the shame of binge eating and love the feeling of control I have now because I haven't done it in 11 months. I never want to feel the way I did before or after a binge again. Interesting what you wrote about your grandmother eating the scrapings out of your grandfather's pipe bowl. I've never heard of that before.

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    1. Most of us can relate to the people who pour their hearts out over their problem with binge eating. Been there, done that. We must do all we can to encourage and help them beat it. We cannot get too exasperated with them because I remember that it took me years and many failures to FINALLY, and I do mean FINALLY claim the victory that was always mine but I just didn't have the inner calm yet. It takes a development of our self-confidence and the "want to" factor. Take care.

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  2. The urge to eat non-food items (usually dirt, clay or stuff like drywall, but I suppose pipe scrapings would fit) is called "pica" and is seen primarily in women, often pregnant women. It usually signifies a deficiency of some kind; pretty interesting condition if you have the time to google it.

    The only way for me to stop binge eating was to stop exposing myself to the trigger foods; i.e., do not keep pasta or baked goods in the house. Even after my weight loss, when I hadn't binge eaten in probably 9 or 10 months, I was vulnerable. We had a birthday party for my younger daughter at a gymnastics place, and at the last minute, two of her guests couldn't make it. So there was a lot of leftover cake (1/4 sheet cake). I didn't eat any of it at the party, but when we got home, my then-husband and the kids went out in the backyard to do something, and I took the cake down to the basement to store in the spare refrigerator (I'm Italian; we all have a refrig in our basements, it's like a rule). I decided a secret bite would be okay. In the basement I also had a box with plastic cutlery and stuff left over from previous parties, so I grabbed a fork, sat on the bottom step, lifted the lid, had a bite, put the box in the refrig. Got halfway up the stairs...and went back for "one more bite." Well, half the cake later I was in quite a tizzy as to how I was going to explain where all the cake went when my husband and kids asked for leftovers, so I FINISHED all of it. Thankfully they were occupied outside, still, and I took the box, crushed it up, hid it in a trash bag, took it to the garage and hid it under other trash in the big barrel. I don't remember what I told them when they were looking for a piece after dinner that night, oddly, but I am sure none of them suspected I'd gone out of control and eaten the entire thing in mere minutes. That was the last binge I remember having; August 2008. There have been a few occasions during my maintenance where I've definitely over-eaten but it was not in secret and it was not one food that I obsessed over and obtained.

    I find that when we have a craving but can't identify exactly what it is we want, the answer is usually peanut butter. It satisfies the texture/flavor, always, at least for me. It is also very, VERY easy to over-eat, unfortunately.

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    1. Peanut butter used to be a binge food for me. I couldn't even get started on it. Now that I look back, I think I was craving the protein due to dieting with too many carbohydrates (WW). Many of us have the binge we will never forget like the one you describe above. It keeps us humble and also helps us understand what others are going through. I was on a binge in college once and even took money from my room mate's change purse to go to the vending machines upstairs for more of the fix I needed. She would not have cared and would have given it to me but I have always regretted that I stole from her but couldn't stop myself. I had starved myself to the point of my hair falling out at one point in college - no wonder I was so depleted. Anyway, it's in the past for us thank God and I am not saying that off-handedly - thank God. Be careful out there today.

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  3. Hmmmmmmm. Interesting. I have not binged since starting Fast-5 in February. This destructive behavior kind of took care of itself! Kind of like my high blood pressure. (Note to self: ANOTHER reason to stay on Fast-5 schedule after reaching my goal weight....)

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    1. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" - applies here. You have found what works and getting to your goal weight doesn't mean you are "over it" like getting over a cold. You, me, and every other person who has lost our weight does not reach a magic point where vigilance is no longer necessary. Going back to old ways will mean returning to the old number on the scale as well. Let's learn our lesson this time, OK? Take care.

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  4. I've never seen myself 'officially' as a true binge eater. Maybe because I had such vivid pictures of watching others binge eat growing up and it never really got that bad for me.

    However, I did have a very distinct day, after the time that I had already decided that it was time to take care of me finally (for once in my life), when I realized that right after I got off a phone call with my sister and all her drama I found myself sort of 'grazing' randomly through the kitchen. I was so shocked. I hadn't done that in so long, since I had decided to eat better and with more intent. Suddenly there I was with this prime example of what was probably a major contributor to my weight issues.

    I went from the kitchen to the bathroom where I took a good long look at myself in a full length mirror and promised that I would never let anybody and their crap ever make me neglect myself ever again. Then I thought about the 40 lbs. left that I still needed to lose at that time and how it was like carrying a full size bag of dog food around on my body and I knew I was done putting myself last. I had a good cry and settled on the fact that even if I loved my family members it wasn't necessary to lose myself to their drama, addiction, mental illness, etc. I chose me and I didn't care if it seemed selfish. I was just done with all of it.

    After that, the weight came off faster than I ever could have imagined. So I guess for me I had to dump about 1,000 lbs. of crappy people in my life and bingo, no more binging.

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    1. It is so good to read that you came out on the other side of this a wise and well-adjusted person. Being able to look at your past and accept that it is over now and you are free to live a life that is productive and free of all that baggage is a gift you gave yourself. Although you will never forget it, you can put all those experiences to good use by living a life that matters. The world will now be a better place because you have been in it. Take care.

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