Weight loss support with a spiritual element. I will keep you posted on my journey in the hopes that you will join me in becoming the person God wants you to be. Don't worry about being religious. Come as you are.




Friday, July 27, 2012

Fat Serenity

This term was used in one of my readings as I was catching up while waiting in the armored truck. I wrote it down but forgot to note which of the authors it was from - C. S. Lewis, Emmett Fox, or OA. I think it sounds like OA.

It was defined thus:  Many people don't want honest answers insofar as honest means unpleasant or disturbing. They want a soft answer that turns away anxiety.

I really don't read too many blogs or follow very many people. I just haven't found too many blogs where there is much I care to read. Some bloggers really have issues and seem to repeat the cycle repeatedly (is that redundant?) I know they seem to be trying and they seem to want to be successful and I hope they are but they keep going back to the same method that hasn't worked yet so why do they keep going back to it? Then there are the ones who keep trying to tweak the system. They are going to weigh every day. They aren't going to weigh for a month or longer. They are going to write down everything they eat. They are going to quit journaling. They are going to have a cheat day - is that just doing what is normal for them for a day and then going right back to the abnormal world of eating right? A cheat day would do me in for sure. It is just too hard to get back with the program. At this point though I will say I have no desire or need for a cheat day. Low carb has cured that. Many people run back to Weight Watchers. While WW has its place I think there are too many carbs allowed. Unlimited fruit can mean too many carbs and then there is that craving, panic to eat which only the strong survive. Along with unlimited fruit is some allowance for bread and then there are optional points which could be used for something of a carb nature. Weight Watchers does provide some boundaries and rules but they are someone else's boundaries and rules. WW might be helpful until a person can get it together emotionally but I really haven't noticed that too much. There are people at goal weight and maintaining with WW so it is working for some. I don't want to take away from the success of these people. If it has gotten you the weight loss you wanted and there is maintenance going on I support you 100%.

So people pour out their hearts in their blog and detail every sinful thing. Don't come down on them too hard or the lower lip will quiver and their fat serenity will be destroyed.  They are feeling anxious and guilty about what they have done and want it validated and explained away. Mental gymnastics was a term I also read while catching up. It seems appropriate here.

Back to the addiction thing from a while back. I think if addiction as the situation gives a person a framework from which to operate, then call it an addiction. Addictions have treatments and methods of recovery and addicted people need a program that provides them the safety they need and a way out. Go for it.

Something I am really liking about this 45 lb. loss is wearing a belt. Belts were not worn - ever. Now when I walk up to the glass door at the banks when I turn in deposits I like the way I look. I have a waist. I don't look like a bag of doorknobs anymore. People are calling me skinny and telling me I have lost enough. I have about 25 or 30 lb. to go for crying out loud. I am also loving that my thighs don't rub together anymore. I remember wearing out all jeans there first. No more of that.

Hope you are all doing well.

13 comments:

  1. There are too many fat serenity blogs out there to count! You look fabulous Myra and I know exactly what you mean about wearing the belts and the thighs rubbing together. I'm also at the stage where I can wear a belt and my thighs don't rub anymore. Liberating isn't it? Hope you are also well:)

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    1. Thank you Leigh. We are soul sisters here as we get the best of this. We never want to give this up and go back to the awful way we felt. The energy level and the self-esteem are priceless. Take care.

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  2. I do so love how honest and straightforward you are. It is refreshing. So many DO just want to be pacified and not come down on too hard, but then they are miserable about never being successful...
    I think I share this trait to some extent and have been called judgmental and mean by those who don't really want to ever change in different life situations. I sometimes forget that when someone asks for advice they often don't really want to hear the truth or what has actually worked for someone.
    Funny, most of those people have made their way out of my life over the past few years. I just don't seem to have the time or patience to keep going round and round with them over various things. Not that I am perfect and not that I sometimes don't need reminding of where and who I really want to be in life, but honestly sometimes enough is enough...
    Boy do I get you on the belts and thighs thing! I love watching the looks on peoples faces that last saw me 50 more lbs. ago. I'm going to my 20 year reunion tomorrow- this should be fun, looking better than I did 10 years ago!

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    1. We think alike don't we? I try not to be too judgmental but feel like I am at times. I also feel like I am insensitive when a blogger is "at it again". I have been there and always try to recall how I felt but that doesn't really help anyone when we tell them "it's OK, me too". We just have to set the example so people know it can be done and be tactful with their rebuttals when they ask how we did it and we tell them. We are at a point where we CAN be somewhat straightforward. We have done it, are doing it. Hope you wow them at the reunion. Be ready for the questions about how you did it and the rebuttals that are sure to come. Say what needs to be said and be as tactful as you can but we don't do favors when we enable. Let me know how it goes. Be careful out there today.

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    2. Yello Rose Jasmine, you are spot on!

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  3. 1. LOL @ "bag of doorknobs"...never heard that one before, but what an appropriate visual!

    2. Fat serenity...wow...wish *I* had invented the term. Self-explanatory and totally true.

    3. And agree with you completely about the boundaries on WW being THEIRS, not the member's...if I tried doing WW when I wanted to lose weight -- or even if I went there now, as a spy, and said I just wanted to lose five pounds -- and followed their giddy, "eat all your favorite foods and still lose weight!" program...and stayed "in my points" -- but got those points from nasty frozen pizza and sugar-free frozen desserts -- like Allan said the other day, I'd could pat myself on the back all I wanted, but 1) I would never stay "in my points" if I were triggered by the chemicals, sweeteners, carbs and texture of all the replica foods, and, 2) Even if I did starve all day by eating three little meals of junk that fit my allowance, I would most likely gain weight because my nutrient-deprived body would start storing fat.

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    1. Feel free to use the bag of doorknobs visual. I also like "smuggling jello". It is good to laugh.

      I am confident that you could do a whole post on "fat serenity". Please do. I would love to read it.

      I feel like I am too critical of WW at times but you and I do agree. I lost my weight twice with WW and even lead a couple of classes but it took an iron fist to stay at goal weight because I had to follow their rules to do so. I always regained. I understand the insecurities of people when it comes to making their own choices and setting their own boundaries because they don't have the self-confidence due to repeated failures. On the other hand, they keep wasting time going back to what doesn't work. I do know how they feel but I cover that in my reply above to Jasmine. Sometimes I want others to be successful so badly because I know how depressing and discouraging losing weight can be until we find our way and resign ourselves to the fact that there is no magic. We cannot do it for them as we know and we risk hurting someone who already feels bad about the situation they find themselves in and that they have caused. I enjoy reading you and Al because you do not beat around the bush. In the end, that's what all of us need. Some respond to that; others do not. There are some who do finally get it and get off the merry go round and those are the ones we can feel good about helping. There are many who read our posts that we never hear from and never know about. Those are the ones I think we help the most. Be careful out there today.

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  4. You KNOW I like your style, Myra. And the "bag of doorknobs"--how graphic!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by! It's always good to hear from you. Be careful out there today.

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  5. So, since I am not one that usually minces words, I decided that I need to come back and comment on this blog. While I understand what you are saying about people who keep changing what they are going to do to try to lose weight, I think you are missing an important point. This was definitely me for several years until I heard an important thing. I always felt like a failure when things that conventional wisdom was telling me should work for weight loss and it didn't. I kept trying different things because people (media, weight loss programs, magazines, friends, doctors, etc.) would tell be telling me what works for weight loss and nothing did. It is hard to be bombarded by these things in your every day life. You think that you need to try another way of doing something. That YOU are the failure and not the diet. After all, most conventional wisdom programs have "success stories." Too few people are out there telling people to ignore what they hear in the media...to even, in some cases, ignore their doctor. To find out what works for themselves. To buck conventional wisdom and eat real foods...eat good fats...etc. It has taken me quite some time to fall into a groove with my diet and with the help of a holistic (paleo leaning) nutritionist, I am finding out what I need to do with my diet. I am still tweaking things but the basics will remain the same for my life time.

    So, i think you are being judgmental and harsh to those that haven't found out what works for them.

    By the way, I am very critical of WW as well...ever since I was told to eat high fiber poptarts to get in some points because i couldn't meet my point targets eating real food.

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    1. Point taken. It seems that as you became more and more educated nutritionally and in lifestyle management that you found your way. I, too, shopped around and fell for all the fads and quick fixes. I certainly understand the point you are making but I maintain that most dieters are wanting some magic, something is usually unlimited which is appealing, and when the new wears off they are back to blaming the diet which they probably didn't follow for very long due to deprivation of one kind or another. Many of these bloggers detail their indiscretions so it's not that they haven't found what works for them as much as not wanting to follow a plan that is healthy and that they have chosen. They will talk about drinking, some celebrations, loving cupcakes, vacation, etc. I understand this. This is a kind of "if the shoe fits, wear it" topic. Each of us knows if we are on track or not. Wisdom comes from experiences don't you think? As we get wiser and wiser things often fall into place if we learn from our mistakes. Take care.

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    2. I don't disagree that people are looking for something magic. I also think that the media and conventional wisdom promises them something that isn't there. I know that there was the whole idea of anything in moderation that people still push on me. Even my husband will say just once won't hurt you...but you know what, I have finally learned that it does. I do agree that there is a bunch of wisdom to be learned from experience. I guess that is why I took exception to some of the things you said. Some people are still learning. I wish there was ONE miracle way (well, I think there is one way and it is a total lifestyle change) but I think that people need to learn a lot of this for themselves. I know I had.

      thanks for the reply. I don't disagree with you as much as you may think. I guess I was a bit more unique in that I never really blamed the diet...I always blamed myself and it was very damaging to my ego...which is why I had to respond as I did.

      thanks too for your comments on my blog. i appreciate it.

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    3. I really appreciate your input on this subject. I know sometimes when people get it together they can forget how hard it was to get there. I try to be careful not to get too full of myself but I can see where you could have seen my words as judgmental. I don't ever want to be a stumbling block or discourage a struggling person. Thank you for reminding me of the need to be empathetic. Take care.

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