Weight loss support with a spiritual element. I will keep you posted on my journey in the hopes that you will join me in becoming the person God wants you to be. Don't worry about being religious. Come as you are.




Saturday, April 28, 2012

On Being Judgmental

I was in Jazzercise and thinking about things (that's when I usually mess up) and it hit me what the reason is that I find myself being judgmental and critical. It is because I grew up with criticism - whether it was spoken or unspoken, it was there. Adding to that was the fact that there were no open displays of affection and few, if any, positive words. Growing up I never felt "good enough"; I was never a part of the popular groups; I never excelled in sports or music. I did make good grades. That was how I made up for my shortcomings which I thought were many.

It bothers me how quickly I judge others based on the most unimportant things - hairstyle, the person's wealth, appearance, little behaviors, political views, religious views, any view different from my own, annoying mannerisms, not getting my way - on and on and on. If I even see a group gathering before Jazzercise starts, my brain starts into being judgmental about a clique which I am imagining. I tend to view any achievement of someone else as a measurement of my lack of achievement. Why must I always compare myself to others? How can I stop doing that? It's an automatic response. I try to immediately replace the negative with a positive.

When did the love stop? By love I mean wanting the best for other people, putting others first (not being a doormat), caring and being interested in what's going on in their lives? When has the disconnect happened? Neighbors don't even know each other on a personal level past a wave on the way somewhere else. When did we get so wrapped up in our own world and what we are doing that we are insulted if someone does it differently - of course if it's different we are threatened and don't like it.

We feel obligated to show these people that they are wrong and if they would only follow our lead, we would show them how to do things right. Maybe we are unsure of ourselves and need to prove we are in control. I can be "Mrs. Fix It Fox" - I try to manage the lives of others sometimes.

Growing up feeling inferior and left out certainly has lasting repercussions. I am working on it because it bothers me that as a Christian I can have thoughts like this about others. I should look at each person with a loving heart and a positive regard without preconditions about what they have to be like for me to regard them as I should.

Do you do this? How do you overcome it?

6 comments:

  1. I can identify with a lot of what you've verbalized here, Myra. I think recognizing it is the first step...But we get stalled there too often and fail to move on to the next step which is not just "knowing" that God is love, but EXPERIENCING it at the very root of our being. That's why Paul prayed in Ephesians 3:19: "May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God."

    I have heard it explained that it doesn't just mean "intellectual" knowing, but "experiential" knowing...

    Until we know it THAT way, we remain judgmental and harsh on others - which is really evidence of how we view ourselves.

    It's complicated :)

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    1. Thank you for that Rebecca. I was hoping you would comment and give me your insights on this. I must work on my view of myself so that I can be more charitable toward others. If God loves me unconditionally I am able through His strength to love others that way as well. He died for me when I didn't deserve it - that is all the strength and reason I need to do the same for others. Thanks again.

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  2. It's SO much easier to say than to do, Myra. I speak from experience. I think self-recrimination (as much as family of origin stuff) has shut me off from the full experience of God's love. I never feel "worthy" (and technically I'm not). That's the part of God's love that I have yet to fully realize. His love is totally independent of my "loveability"! It's innate. It's His character. And it was and IS extended to all freely and without measure to all who will receive...

    I don't want you to think that I have arrived. I have a long way to GROW!

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    1. Sanctification is an ongoing thing and we are to make our lives a testimony. It's hard. Take care.

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  3. This is a tough subject and you have been so open and honest. Your willingness to expose yourself here can only be helpful to others. I always appreciate your willingness to be so candid.

    I personally find that it is difficult to balance wanting to be accepting of all people and yet not willing to accept all behavior. I still believe there is an important place in society for certain behaviors to be unacceptable and for people to feel 'judged'. I know that is controversial these days. However, I also find that my realm of what is worth showing true scorn for is quite narrow.

    Strangely, I don't find that I have ever worried much about how I compare to others but maybe that's because I've never had a truly healthy self esteem. Maybe it is normal to do that for most people and I have just given up on the idea of ever being 'normal'. LOL ;)

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    1. Overcoming low self-esteem takes a lot of self-examination. Coming to terms with how we interact with others and making needed changes takes a lot of awareness and a lot of time. Our perceptions of situations which determines our reactions is something I have had to reconsider on many occasions. My assumptions are often wrong and for that I am glad. I just must make more positive assumptions. Take care.

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