Weight loss support with a spiritual element. I will keep you posted on my journey in the hopes that you will join me in becoming the person God wants you to be. Don't worry about being religious. Come as you are.




Saturday, April 14, 2012

Expectations

Nanette and I were talking about expectations over one of my earlier posts about the obese guy with the long hair who wowed them on American Idol as did Susan Boyles. Since her career is in this area she noticed the shortcomings of both performances. I thought they were great but then I know nothing about this.

When Susan and this young man stood on the stage before their performances you see Simon Cowles and the audience doing the eye rolling thing because before these two did anything, the expectation was for a poor showing. They both were very good but were the ratings given a bump because the reality was so much more than the expectation based on appearance and nothing else? Expectations were low. The reality was impressive. There was quite a distance between the two.

Do we rely on low expectations to hold back from what we are capable of achieving? Would our reality be much richer if our expectations were better? Do others expect less from us because of our appearance? Do we count on that? The young man said he wouldn't even be on the stage were it not for the girl who was singing with him. His expectations of himself were low. She knew of his talent. She knew him. Size didn't matter. I have resented being judged by my appearance but then I judge by appearance as well and I am not proud of that.

You are the job interviewer and in walks an obese job applicant and a normal weight job applicant. Does the normal weight one get appearance points? Probably. What are the preconceived notions about the obese? It's hard to admit but sometimes they are true. Would we look like this if our self-esteem was good? On the other hand, so many of us had childhoods and other experiences that would make people wonder why we aren't more messed up than we are. How long is it going to take for us to sort it out? I read of people who get to a certain weight and then something snaps and they are gaining weight and can't understand it; they were doing so well. They have to fight so hard to overcome it. I know that helpless feeling. We are driven to do unhealthy things knowing it must stop but not being able to get the best of it. It takes years of battle to finally win. The recovery can be very fragile but it can be done.

Our reality and our expectations of ourselves can be the same. They really can.

5 comments:

  1. I am prepping for that battle... The interview battle. I know that if I'm going to be fat, I have to up my game. Be more professional. Be more sparkly. Be more personable and quick witted. I mean... I'm working on the obesity thing, but I'm going to need a job in the meanwhile. That discrimination is totally real.

    To say that people "shouldn't" be judged on size is so optimistic. In a perfect world that would be true. But here we are in our lovely and imperfect world... bias exists. So overcome it. :) Be someone they can't say "no" to. That's my goal.

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    1. You have the right attitude - a realistic handle on the situation and what is necessary to overcome the bias that's out there. When they ask you about things you have accomplished you can tell them you have lost X number of pounds and about how you have achieved through exercise. This will tell them you know how to tackle a problem and work to solve it. Keep at it and be the best you can be on that day. Take care.

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    2. I agree with Nanette, that discrimination is everywhere, and I think that a lot of it might even be subconscious. I have stupid assumptions and stereotypes in the back of my mind as well!

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    3. I am guilty of the stereotypes and assumptions as well. I believe that there is a lot of emotional baggage with being over-weight. While changing one's lifestyle, you have to look at the whole picture, not just what's happening on the outside. If you don't deal with the underlying issues of why you over-eat/binge, you will gain the weight back.

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  2. Maren - Discrimination is everywhere but it doesn't have to beat us because, as you say, we hold some of that in our minds. It is an obstacle that must be overcome with our strengths. Take care.

    Leigh - Our inner world is the most important battle we face. Emotional baggage can be the worst enemy we have to conquer. Let's keep working on it. Be well.

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