I have been reading "Women, Food, and God" by Geneen Roth. Here are some words that caught my attention.
"But until you are free from The Voice, any decisions you make based on its oppression are like confessions made while being tortured. When you decide that you need to lose twenty pounds because you are disgusting at this weight or that you need to meditate every day or go to church on Sundays because you will go to hell if you don't, you are making life decisions while you are being whipped with chains. The Voice-induced decisions--those made from shame and force, guilt or deprivation, cannot be trusted. They do not last because they are based on fear of consequences instead of longing for truth."
As a child did you behave because of fear of consequences or because you wanted to be the best person you could be? Children require the former as we work on the latter. They do not have enough life experience to understand that they must obey us because we want them to grow up to be people with the ability to make wise choices and be productive members of society. We really didn't have to discipline Nathan and Isaac very much. They knew we would because we followed through a few times and they learned. It soon became their decision to do the right thing without us. I know my brother and his wife used the yell, threaten, belittle, insult, yell some more method. It has not turned out well. Have you ever read the scripture about the sins of the fathers being visited upon the sons even unto the third and fourth generations? We reap what we sow. We reap more than we sow. We reap later than we sow. Anyway--
Are we trying to lose our extra weight because of fear of diabetes or high blood pressure? Are we trying to lose weight because of tight clothes, lack of endurance, or physical appearance? These and other conditions are reasons well and good but they are all consequences and negative ones at that. The need for discipline is a negative consequence of behavior outside the boundaries of what's in our best interests. I have always responded to these negative things that I did not want to happen to me. I am slowly starting to do things because of the positive things I want in my life. I want to be healthy and attractive. I want to look good in smaller sizes and have the self-confidence that comes with being trim and fit. I have always exercised like I take medicine - because it's good for me but now I am enjoying exercise more and more and find I am much more relaxed about it. It used to be another obsession. I enjoy exercise in a class like Jazzercise or step aerobics because of the fellowship with friends and having a leader. My Jazzercise instructor is a hoot; she makes it fun. I am looking forward to walking up and down our road carrying my 5 lb. weights now that it is cooling off. I am not a hot weather person. I admire some of you who go ahead and run or bicycle and it's 90 degrees or more. Ain't happenin' here. I will follow a video in the air conditioning when it's that hot.
Longing for the truth. We each need to find our truth. Is our drive born of our past when parents were in charge or is it born of our desire to get strong, to be in charge of ourselves, to finally finish. We didn't get to choose our parents. Parenting is probably the most important job we ever undertake and it's the one we undertake with the least preparation. We know how we were parented and that's about it. Some of us really have a lot to deal with from the past. Some of us have created our own situations that can seem overwhelming at times. The career we choose and the person we marry are the greatest earthly determiners of our quality of life I think. Those who are single have a different set of concerns. We all have a life to live. Our spiritual health can go a long way toward dealing with the day to day.
I hope your Labor Day holiday is what you want it to be. Tomorrow I will be going to Jazzercise because I want to and because my friends will be there not because I don't want to be fat or get sick. We are having a cookout today at my husband's sister's house. The baked beans are in the oven and I think I will have my second cup of coffee now with a protein bar. We are eating at 1 p.m. I will take my water. I will look over everything that is there (there will be gobs) and decide what's best and what I want the most before filling my plate.