From OA Recovery Meditations
"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free." Catherine Ponder
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I once had a situation in which someone I was acquainted with said unkind things about my weight and verbally attacked my spouse in front of my daughter. I worried and revisited the situation over and over for many years until the anger turned to resentment and became a major, entrenched grudge. Because so many of my eating issues stem from emotional ones, this would drive me to eat in an effort to dull, numb and forget my anger. That didn't work. The eating didn't stop that anger from turning into resentment.
When I would complain about this situation to a friend, she told me that I had to stop allowing that person to
"rent space in my mind." I came to realize that I had allowed -- and even nurtured -- a negative, energetic link
to that person and situation. I couldn't let go of resentment until I was willing to take the needed steps in program and to forgive. Forgiving doesn't mean I didn't learn anything from the situation or that I have forgotten the unkind words. But I learned that I needed to be more cautious in my dealings with this type of individual. I learned I can't surround myself with people who are overly negative and who say poisonous
things without accepting any accountability for their actions. I have learned that I can be accountable for my
choices and actions. I no longer have to allow myself to be bound by an emotional link to a painful situation.
ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .
I will ask my Higher Power to help me to learn to forgive and forget. With the help of my Higher Power, I will let go of unnecessary baggage that causes resentment.
I read a quote once that said "Holding a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee". Guess who feels the worst - the one holding the grudge or the one whom that grudge is against? Are we willing to give someone else that kind of control over our lives? How can we stop holding that grudge, thinking about getting even, or hoping that person gets what he/she deserves? If we don't accept the hate, don't they have to keep it?
We forgive them. Now that's not to say it's OK; it is to say that you will not be a part of their misery. Abraham Lincoln said that the best way to rid oneself of an enemy is to make him/her a friend. That's a tall order in some cases. I have read of some of the women out there in the middle of ugly divorces. There are kids so there will always be that connection that cannot be broken. I have read of some of the difficult relationships with parents and siblings. It's hard to deal with - especially when some person is saying "forgive" and even "forgive and forget". I will top it off by telling you to pray for that person. Now that's going a little too far. Try it. It will soften you and if the prayer is answered, it will change the situation. Don't pray just once, pray daily. You may just heal a bee sting.