Today wasn't quite as bad as yesterday - 10 hours rather than 14. Guess what I had for breakfast - yes - that's it - protein bar. It just occurred to me that I had a grilled chicken sandwich for lunch and again for supper. Also had my peanuts of course. Pretty boring menu for sure. I will eat in a little more interesting manner when I get home - you can bet it won't be grilled chicken sandwiches.
I have a Kindle and I love that thing. The only negative I have found is that you can't loan your books to others when you are done reading them. The positives far outweigh the negatives - one of which I am going to demonstrate in a minute. I got a holder that has a little pop up light on it - great for when it's dark or you don't want to keep someone awake. It is easy to lay in bed and read without fumbling to keep the book open at the right place. The kindle keeps track of where you stopped reading so that when you open that book back up you are right where you left off. There aren't stacks of books all over the place gathering dust. It is so portable - when you are going to be sitting in a waiting room, take it. You will have such a variety of books to read. I downloaded many of my books for just 99 cents. Get one!!
OK - I have finished reading Life Without Ed - (Ed stands for eating disorder) - get that too. As you read your Kindle you can underline meaningful parts and then there is an option on the menu where you can just read what you underlined - is that neat or what? There is even a choice where you can read the most popular underlinings.
I thought I would share with you some of my underlinings. I underline so much. I underline and write in my Bible. I highlight and underline and write in the margins of books. I could probably resell them for more if I would quit that but I just have to underline things that stand out to me. Here are some of my underlinings -
1. This may seem strange, but I am not going to try to explain eating disorders in this book. When I first entered into recovery, I made the mistake of believing that I could "think" my eating disorder away. I read every book on the subject.
2. Eating disorders are about constant self-criticism, loss of self-esteem, and unrelenting perfectionism.
3. No book or program is going to simply take away your eating disorder. To recover from an eating disorder, you are going to have to eat, and you are going to have to stop bingeing and purging. And you are going to have to separate yourself from Ed and meet yourself all over again--or possibly for the first time.Recovery is about a new outlook on life. It is about little changes that lead to big changes. Changes that last take time. So do your best to practice patience (remember Chris's post?)
4. I have heard it said about some things that "From the outside looking in you can't understand it. From the inside looking out, you can't explain it." This is a wonderful description of an eating disorder. People who do not have an eating disorder cannot possibly inderstand it. They are not expected to explain it any more than those of us with eating disorders are able to explain it.
5. People don't have to understand us. We just need them to believe us. If I tell my mom that I "feel fat," I do not need her to convince me that I am not fat. Instead, I just need her to believe that I really do feel fat. She does not understand what that feels like, but she believes me. That's what I need.
6. "Direction is important, not destination." Focus on the right path. If you stay pointed in the right direction, you do not have to worry about arriving at the proper place. By choosing to read this book, you are journeying in the right direction. Do not worry if you make wrong turns along the way. I have learned that each wrong turn is a valuable lesson as long as I keep walking.
7. The ultimate goal is to disagree with and disobey Ed.
8. Slowly, I am replaciang perfectionism with persistence. After all, in recovery and life it is persistence that really pays off. Forget about perfection.
9. Practice makes practice. Take what you learn from each holiday with you to the next holiday.
10. Favorite grocery store game--analyzing the items in every other person's grocery cart.
11. Food is something I am going to have to face at least three times a day for the rest of my life. And I am not perfect. But one really bad day does not mean that I am hopeless and back at square one with my eating disorder. Olympic ice skaters fall in their quest for the gold. Heisman Trophy winners throw interceptions. Professional singers forget the words. And people with eating disorders sometimes slip back into an old pattern. But all of these individuals just pick themselves back up and do the next right thing. The ice skater makes the next jump. The football player throws the next pass. The singer finishes the song. And I am going to eat breakfast.
12. The next time I start having Ed thoughts, I need to slow down and breathe. I need to remember what happens when I act too quickly and fail to separate myself from Ed. I need to remember that Ed makes me feel extremely agitated and out of control.
There's a sampling of my underlinings in my Kindle on this book. I have taken my Kindle with me all week and while Jarrod has been replenishing the ATM I have been reading my Kindle.
I am going to be loaded up in the morning so that I can leave to go home directly from work.