It has been a long day. I am on call on weekends and today was kind of busy. This earning a living stuff gets in the way of my activities. I left at 9:30 this morning and got home about 6 p.m.
One of the chapters in the Marianne Williamson book involved getting to know and love the part of you that overeats. There is the you in which your basic identity is mixed with a healed heart and high self-esteem; that's you when you're happy, healthy, and successful. And then there is the you in which your basic identity is mixed with trauma and low self-worth; that's you when you're neurotic, compulsive, addictive, and so forth. What all these parts of you have in common is you. It does feel odd that we should honor a part of ourselves that we do not want, but Not-Thin You will not go away until she is listened to. She will not leave until you love yourself. All of yourself. Including her. Period. Does a parent love a troubled child less than the untroubled child? In accepting Not-Thin You, you are not accepting her weight, you are simply accepting her.
Part of your inner conflict is that while your conscious mind feels a level of disdain for Not-Thin You, your subconscious mind feels quite at home with her. On a subconscious level, you might feel more comfortable within a larger body. There is something you allow yourself when you are manifesting as Not-Thin You. At times she feels more like the "real" you. Consciously, you feel like Thin You is the real you, while Not-Thin You is the imposter; but subconsciously, you feel like Not-Thin You is the real you, and Thin You is the imposter. You must begin a new relationship with a part of yourself you've kept out of your heart. For in keeping her out of your heart, you've kept her on your body.
The assignment is to write a letter to Not-Thin You. Tell Not-Thin You how much you hate her, how she has ruined your life, what she has done to your life.
As an aside - I did this even though as I said earlier this is a little more New Age that I am. I was surprised at the venom with which I wrote. The example in the book began with "Dear Fat Ass" - I did feel better after I wrote it. Then you are to write a letter where you write what Thin You would say in return. It really is a helpful exercise.
Please forgive me if I have failed to love every part of Your creation.
Open my eyes that I might see, soften my heart that I might love, open my mind that I might understand every aspect of myself..
Heal my relationship with all of me, that I might suffer no more such violence toward myself.
Please help me, for by myself I cannot win this war.
Please lift me above the battlefield to the peace that lies beyond.
Thank you, God.